Why I only serve as an anonymous sperm donor.

Many potential donation recipients ask why I only donate anonymously.

I'm creating this post to help explain why, and address some of their concerns/objections.

The main reason to be anonymous-only sperm donor, is to protect oneself legally against future child support judgements levied by state governments.

Unfortunately, the standing legal precedent in US courts is that a sperm donor is liable for child support payments, regardless if any circumstances such as signed agreements.

  • The donor is liable even if they sign a contract with the recipient waving parental rights.
  • The donor is liable even if the recipient themselves are not seeking child support. The case is brought by the state government, NOT the parents.
  • The only exception is if the insemination is performed by the fertility doctor in a clinic.
Because of that, until and unless US legal climate changes fully to protect known sperm donors from legal jeopardy (via federal law, or in the specific state I live in and recipient lives in), I will only ever donate anonymously.

FAQs

When I insist on anonymity, potential recipients usually pose a couple of standard objections. I would like to cover them here, with my responses.

  • Objection: I am willing to sign a contract releasing you from child support obligations.
    • Answer: See above legal case. The courts decided that such a contract is not enforceable (in plain English, it's legally worthless).
  • Objection: I don't plan to ask you for child support! I work and can support a child!
    • Answer: The legal risk is from the state child services agency, not from you. And you can't promise me 100% percent you will never need financial help from the state.
  • Objection: But this is important to me to safeguard my legal parental rights.
    • Answer: I see where you are coming from and agree that it is an important concern. Please see my suggestions for safeguarding them below in the same post (short version: just be anonymous as well, so I don't know who you are). However, if you want 100% iron-clad guarantee, you will be better served by paying for services of a sperm bank, which offers legal protection to you.

Can recipients solve challenges of anonymous donation?

Is this ideal for potential recipients? No. I fully understand that, and respect any recipients who insist on known donors. I can offer several ideas that should allay the concerns of potential recipients and solve the challenges presented by using an anonymous donor.

  • Challenge: we are worried about being sued for parental rights later by the donor. So we need legal documents signed.
    • Answer 1: First of all, they are not legally enforceable in US court (read: worthless). 
    • Answer 2: Choose a reliable sperm donor, with a history of donation. If they have done it before, there is evidence they won't change their mind later and demand rights. Also, if possible, consider a donor who are raising their own children - they have no incentive to want to be a daddy to yours.
    • Answer 3: You can simply be an anonymous recipient. Don't tell me your name/identity. Just like the state can't sue me for child support if you don't know who I am, I can't sue you for parental rights if I don't know who you are.
  • Challenge: We need to see STD test results.
    • Answer: I can show anonymised version of my STD test results, with partial name hidden but still clearly mine. 
  • Challenge: I need them for my wife/gf/partner to adopt the child
    • Answer: No you don't. Just don't put the donor as a father on birth certificate (or better yet, right away put your significant other on it, if your state allows that) - this will make adoption very simple. 
  • Challenge: I need to see full medical exam results and medical history from your doctor.
    • Answer: Not to be rude, but you should use the services of sperm bank which performs such testing on all donors, supposedly. It costs a lot, but offers you all the guarantees you want. If you want a free sperm donor, you can't have everything.

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